rambut sama hitam, hati lain2

it's end of september 2009... masuk next month, dah setahun since i quit my job... at first, it was really hard (still hard at times) coz i lost my self empowerment.. i lost the power to decide on things as i have to depend on my husband... which is something that i never do before, sebab i've always been a very independent person... it started waaaayyy back in STF... STF is far from home, so i cannot afford to have my parents to drop by just any time... nak balik S.alam pun naik tren.... angkut la beg besar gabak sorang2... i remember the bags were bigger than me at that time! hoho..

n it continued through my Uni days... i had that PTPTipu to support my studies... actually, i'm quite grateful for the PTPTipu... tapi bile tang bayar, pengsan! i hope i would get a job really really soon.... as i need to get all of my debts out of my life, once and for all! encik PTPTipu, sila bersabar yeee.....

during ACCA plak, i had MARA loan... the best part is, it's convertible provided i finish ACCA in 3 years' time.... alamak, cita2 tak kesampaian la pulak! but yes, i finally managed to finish my ACCA after a total of 7 years, which in the meantime i managed to work for almost 4 years and get married! hmmmm..... lagi satu plus point, it is interest-free! tak mcm PTPTipu tu, ada 1% service fee.... yg di"charge" every month... hampes!

bile dah keje, of course lagi la merdeka! i finally managed to fully take care of myself... so, when i have been so independent almost all of my adult life, when i quit my job, memang nahas la! it was not easy... it was not easy to ask at first.... and then it was not easy to hear the word "NO" every time i ask for something.... i do understand the reasons given but when NO explanation was given, i became angry...

this cannot last for long... for a marriage to work, one of the essence is, women, please get your own self empowerment... do not let your life lye on the mercy of another person.... be it your own husband! mcm orang tua2 kata, rambut sama hitam, hati lain2! maybe the only thing in common that we have is the love for each other... but the way we see life, is totally different story!

raya Mood!

well, another 10 days to go! yesterday i was like crazy youtube-ing lagu raya... it's our 2nd raya together as husband and wife this year.. Alhamdulillah... but i easily become fragile every raya now.. i don't know.. maybe its because i miss my nenek n moyang.... i can't really say that i miss my atuk coz he passed away when i was 4 years old.. so there ain't many memories of him... how i miss those days when me n my brother would wait in front of nenek's house for our cousins to come back n celebrate raya... when my mum n aunties would be very busy in the dapur preparing raya dish! sampai terbarai puasa la orang kata!

i remembered there was one time they made dodol... it was really nice! since i was really small, i wasn't fasting.. so i get to taste the dodol the moment it cooks... yummy slimy black colour dodol that is not yet firm... meleleh2.. yumyum! that's my memory of dodol... one memory of atuk was him smashing eggs for kuih bahulu... the kuih was made traditionally.... in a tempayan..n then baked on dapur kayu.... rasa dia?? keras ketung! ahhaha.... my grandma likes it that way.. coz the bahulu can stand longer.. one more famous kuih of my great-grandma is kuih keras... the kuih, like the name is darn keras! its made of tepung laa.. tepung tatau apa, n digoreng... later it will be Jemur under the sun... that makes it keras... lastly, disira with gula.... sedap! n tahan lama plak tu....

haih... how i wish things were back to those days... where people love each other.. well, i guess it comes with the new millenium where people's heart just die... mati hati.... so, we're left with a few family members who have yet to fight! (oh please, no more drama!)... sometimes people cannot move on because they never forgive each other... let alone their hearts... i myself still cannot find in my heart how to forgive n forget about some people's actions... all i can do is, shut them out... even if we ever gonna "kiss n make up", things can NEVER go back to the way they were...

terlajak perahu, bole reverse, terlajak kata, hilang lah sedara....

sweet thiinggg...

its our 5th day of fasting... i only get to spend 2 of them with my hubby... here we go again... being apart as i need to end my jobless terms.. hehe... it's been 10 months now since i last worked... and the journey is colorful.. there's pink, blue, green and even grey... some chinese people say that 2009 is a bad year... yeah, i couldn't agree more in the 1st quarter of my year... but as a muslim, we have to believe in hikmah... there are a lot of blessings in disguise after all the happenings... i'll just have to keep the faith..

i used to have this torned up feeling when i was younger n living with my grandma... i used to feel so bad for leaving her whenever i follow my mum back to shah alam for a while... but when i'm in kampung, i missed being with my mum....

same goes with the situation now.. i wanna be with my husband in PG but i've been applying for so many jobs there but just takde rezeki.... i also know by fact that if i keep on staying there n do nothing, i'll go kookoo.... huhuhhu... don't get me wrong... but i think it's time for me to start my career again.... i may have done some foolish decisions before... but like redza always say, don't look back.. it's a lesson to be learnt... so now, i'm back on the market!

let's hope that i get a job real soon....

hear yee hear yee...

hie..

so i've got a new blog.. phat was in older version, which i tried upgrading but didn't work... so i gave up n start this new blog named bubbly... as an indicator of my bubblyness... hehee...